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February Circuit
Example “Award” article (Award-X)

First Draft: This award isn’t for Gobbledygook
(Stats: 250 words; 15 sentences; 16.6 words/sent.; 0% passive; Reading Ease = 37.2 (Too difficult)


“Plain language in all of our communications is the very foundation of good service to our customers.” So said Vice President Al Gore last year. Gore established a “No Gobbledygook Award” to recognize federal employees who convert government writing from legalese to plain language that the public can understand. “The American people expect clear communication from their government,” Gore said.

Beginning last July, Gore presents an award each month for outstanding examples by employees who change burdensome bureaucratese to clear writing.

The first award went to a worker at the Occupational Safety and Health Administration (OSHA) who rewrote a regulation on dip tanks. The new rule of 5 words replaced one of 80 words and eliminated a list of technical terms. The second award, in August, went to two Bureau of Land Management employees. They reduced a 628-word regulation on leasing and developing public land for geothermal power, to 112 words.

The No Gobbledygook Award in September went to two General Services Administration employees. They streamlined a 194-word rule on government travel down to 45 words. The October award went to a Housing and Urban Development employee who scrapped a complicated, confusing 600-word form for filing complaints about housing discrimination. Instead, people can send a simple complaint or telephone it to a government number. The employee reduced the regulation that applies from 141 to 53 words.

The November award went to an Agriculture Department employee who rewrite a consumer information article on how to safely prepare turkey.

– 30 –


Second Draft: Award recognizes customer service
(Stats: 234 words; 16 sentences; 14.6 words/sent.; 0% passive; RE= 48.2 (Difficult)


“Plain language in all of our communications is the very foundation of good service to our customers.” So said Vice President Al Gore last year. Gore established a “No Gobbledygook Award” to recognize employees who convert legalese to plain writing that the public can understand.

The award is part of the federal push for plain writing. “The American people expect clear communication from their government,” Gore said. So last summer he coined the award to spotlight outstanding efforts to cut bungling bureaucratese.

The first award went to a worker at the Occupational Safety and Health Administration who rewrote a regulation on dip tanks. The new rule of 55 words replaced 80 words that included a list of technical terms. The second award went to two Bureau of Land Management employees. They reduced a 628-word regulation on use of public land for geothermal power, to 112 words.

Another No Gobbledygook Award went to two General Services Administration employees. They streamlined a 194-word rule on government travel down to 45 words. A Housing and Urban Development employee got an award for scrapping a confusing 600-word complaint form. He reduced the regulation that applies from 141 to 53 words; and people can send a simple complaint or call it in by telephone.

An Agriculture Department woman won an award in November. She rewrote a lengthy consumer article on how to prepare a turkey safely.

– 30 –


Third Draft: Award recognizes customer service
(Stats: 227 words; 16 sentences; 14.1 words/sent.; 0% passive; RE= 54.6 (Standard, news)


Vice President Al Gore established a “No Gobbledygook Award” last year. Each month he gives the award to one or more employees who change legalese into plain writing that the public can understand.

The award is part of the federal push for plain writing.

“The American people expect clear communication from their government,” Gore said. And they are entitled to it, he said. “Plain language in all of our communications is the very foundation of good service to our customers.”

The first award last summer went to a Labor Department worker who rewrote a regulation on dip tanks. The new rule of 55 words replaced 80 words that included a list of technical terms. The second award went to two Bureau of Land Management employees. They cut a regulation on use of public land for geothermal power from 628 to 112 words.

Another award went to two General Services Administration employees. They pared a 194-word rule on government travel down to 45 words. A Housing and Urban Development worker got an award for scrapping a confusing 600-word complaint form. He reduced the regulation that applied from 141 to 53 words; and people can send a simple complaint or call it in by telephone.

An Agriculture Department woman won the award in November. She rewrote a cumbersome consumer article on how to cook a turkey safely.

– 30 –


Page created February 11, 1999 by BPA Communications, (503) 230-5289.
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